{the graduate}

{He has put a song in my heart}

Psalm 28:6,7
"Blessed be the Lord! For He has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him."

I have always loved singing.
I have some vivid memories of being a kid, thinking of how much I loved music. It certainly starts with my mom having a wonderful voice and often singing Patsy Cline in the kitchen, or my dad making her sing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' in the car on a drive home.
Amy Grant was often played in our house pretty loudly on Saturday mornings. Having my dad start and restart the song so i could get my cart wheels in the living room down to the beat of the music for my 'performances'
About fourth grade my Aunt Sandy came over and brought her karaoke machine, which I proceeded to sing "achy breaky heart" over and over...loudly. no requests needed.
I dreamed (ahem...still dream) of being the singing voice of a new Disney princess. Unfortunately Belle and Ariel have already been done.
My love of music and singing continued, through out highschool singing with different worship bands and youth events.
As friends got married I had the honor of singing in weddings, and have continued to enjoy that.
The week before my own wedding my dreamy fiance talked me into singing at our town "Idol" competition- every penny of the winning money was spent on our honeymoon.
I still sing for our church on a regular basis and love it. I've always loved it. I regret not learning an instrument earlier, this is the year I will learn to play guitar.
But I have always felt like there was another part to it still in my heart, not yet discovered...not even by me. I have always wanted my singing and anything that goes with it to be for His glory.
Music can't help but be the overflow of my heart. Breakup songs are written because people breakup. Love songs are sung because people are in love and feeling swoony. I want to sing of His love, because I am loved.
I have desired to 'write music' - it sounds so artsy. But I couldn't force it. I've been on the brink....waiting.
And (i think) I'm here. It's coming, and I hope He keeps it coming.
This is the second song (more of an idea for a song) I am working on.
I want you to be blessed. Read it and connect, think- "ya that's me too. I feel that way, I want to believe that. Praise God." ---- THAT is why i want to share it- I don't think He put it in my heart to keep for my self. So be blessed.
Augustine talked about our misconceptions of the church and said- "It is not to be a museum of saints, but a hospital for sinners" .
So here is my heart.....

"Better than a Fairy Tale"

I want you to see me as kind, think of me as selfless.
Tell people I'm generous and loving.
I play a part in this fairy tale,
And the author is my pride.

Soon enough i"ll fail,
forget my lines or trip and fall-
and then you will see...
My brokenness, my wounds and scars.
My selfishness and greed,
my heart that has been beaten and torn apart.
Now where do I stand?
What is my place?
A top that pedestal in the museum of saints
or lying in this bed of a leper?
A sinner and a saint- that is who I am.
I'd rather the story of redemption be told
Than the fairy tale of my pride be sold.
A sinner and a saint- there is no better place
than to be found in His strong and healing embrace.
A sinner and a saint, that is who I am.

{oaks of righteousness}

I love.....are you shocked that I'm about to tell you how much I love something?!
I love how it seems that often God tends to teach me something lots of times in lots of different areas in my life.
Recently I have been reading a book called Pleasures Evermore by Sam Storms with some of my dear Chicago girls and it has caused me to plunge my little heart and soul into really and deeply understanding how He truly is the highest most satisfying delight!
And THAN I am reading another book that hits on idols of the heart....point: nothing else satisfies like Jesus!
hello!
My little heart is stirred to see His beauty more and want others to see it too.
I'm reading about it, I'm talking about it, I'm writing a song about it(future post, it just seems to be everywhere.
I was reading this morning and Isaiah 61:3 says
" To grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. SO THEY will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord THAT He may be glorified"
With out Him I am left mourning, fainting, oily ;), and ashy.... wanting, confused, fearful, disappointed, and dissatisfied.
He is better.

{the best goodbye}

She had been coming to the salon for some time now. Her first stylist left a year or so ago and she had seen Mary since than. She liked Mary very much and didn't have any complaints about her hair cuts. However, as God's providence would have it, Mary was on vacation last week and Gladys was desperate for a trim.
Background: Gladys loves Jesus. She went to college where she met her roommate, they became the dearest of friends and continued to live together for the next thirty years. Both single women, serving the Lord in different capacities, finding their identity and satisfaction in Christ.
In her 60's Gladys married a widower, whom she knew from her church. Gladys retired from her job shortly after they were married, aware that he had heart problems and not sure how long they would be together. She thanked the Lord for everyday of the 8 wonderful years she had the privilege to be married to him.
Since he passed she returned to her job from before, where she has worked for the last 7 years. She is the lady you want at your work. So full of joy and light.
Gladys is retiring again from her job and is planning to move next week to eastern Washington, to be near her step daughter she dearly loves.
Hence the desperation for the haircut.
This is where I get the joy of knowing Ms. Gladys.
All smile, sparkly gray eyes that match her silvery hair that swoops over her brow, and a voice that is soothing yet confident. A woman who has aged beautifully with grace. Even here there is evidence that she is so sure of who she is in Christ she is not concerned about wrinkles or gray hair. Don't get me wrong, this is not a woman who has let herself go, looks haggard or weathered. She is put together and gorgeous as ever. What is inside her is radiant and showing through.
We visit as I cut, blow dry, curl, comb, and spray her hair (ahhh, the beauty shop).
I was so encouraged and refreshed by her. It was when she left that I wont ever forget.
As she slipped her coat on she looked at me and said genuine and confidently,
"I'll see you in heaven!"
It was so simple, and true. She meant it, I believe it.
The likely hood of me ever seeing her again this side of heaven is slim.
But I will see her again.
And I'll be sure to hug her.

{people and paper}

There is something I just love about people.
(maybe that's why I wanted to become the pseudo professional best friend, i.e. hair stylist)
I love that you can go out into the world and connect with people you might not ever see again. But on that day, at that moment you had an interaction with another person with a heart, a family, a favorite color, a past, and a future.
I just love people. I can't not try and look into the eyes of the girl on the other side of the counter as I order my hamburger (ahem... I mean, salad with dressing on the side). She has dreams and hopes for her future. Saving money, picking up extra shifts. I got to smile and tell her hello and thank you.
It crosses my mind, the traditions and culture of the little asian couple that passed me on the street. Will they get married? Her father doesn't approve, but she loves him.
Or the guys working so hard at the car wash, all smile, sweat dripping down the side of his face. I later see him at target with his three small children. Two hanging half in, half out of the cart, the other by his daddy's side with his head cocked all the way back, arms stretched with box of jello in hand and begger face on. This guy has a family. Loves to kiss his kids goodnight. Proud of his son in t-ball. Cant believe how grown up his little princess is getting. And he and I made eye contact today.
I have so many wonderful people in my life that know and love me, and I get to really know and love. Relationships, friendships- they are just something I love.
My mother in law and brother in law are in town for a visit this week. So of course Debbie and I went to my favorite store- Paper source. We were there for an hour, happy as clams, looking at paper. While we were there, the women working there were so wonderful- and it's not just because they're paid to be. I love that. As we checked out, we spoke with one of the women who has a son who just got married, lives in CA. Her parents lived for a time in WA and she loves that green state too. It was just so refreshing to have someone else be so genuine and kind. (Hi Jan!)
I left there loving people, paper, and life a little more.
I just think we go through our days trying to hurry up to much to the next thing that we forget that the coffee we ordered was made by a person. The mail in my mail box was hand delivered by a person. The guy standing in this 8 degree weather to get to the train on time is a person.
So don't use the 'self-checkout' machine at the grocery store- wait in line and interact with checker. She could be my sister in law who has been standing there all day dealing with a lot of impatient people- and all she did was show up to work.
Like I said, I love people. I love fun paper. And I loved to day spent with family.

{little treasures}

Every night we get into bed we both have socks on.
Somewhere between 11 pm and 5 am a phenomenon occurs.
One of us is barefoot.
As I lay in bed last night with my mind reeling, my husbands breathing slowed into a rhythmic lullaby. Taking note of how very much I love him and am thankful he is my husband, my love for him grew even more when his little feet started to dance.
It was then i realized that even in his sleep he is a joy.
It was just like that.
The socks were off.
Making my bed this morning the covers just weren't laying right at the bottom. I slipped my hands under there, and like so many times before discovered not one, but 3 pairs of socks all waiting to make it to the laundry basket.
It's these little things that my heart treasures so much: it's a warm wool sock kind of love.

Groundhog Day Blizzard

It has been an exceptionally long time since i have done any blogging whatsoever. I had aspirations of doing a couple posts of things that have gone on in my life in the last 7 months- but that just makes me not want to blog. So I am starting from right here....now. The last few days have been 'historic' apparently- the Chicago land area, well actually from Texas to Maine has seen crazy blizzard snow storms. In our town we got 22'' in one night! That only means one thing: snow day!! So I spent most of my day yesterday scrap booking and watching Groundhog Day.
This is not the most enthralling post I know, just trying to get back into the swing of things.
Seeing the snow come pile up and the winds recklessly throw the snow about does make you feel very small. And to think i have not 'entered the storehouses of snow' like in Job. Here's hoping for another snow day.